Most of us have had the experience of meeting someone where one part of our mind will think the person was friendly and polite but another part of us, our gut, is telling us that something isn’t quite right about that person. We connect to our gut and sense that their external presentation and their internal state don’t match up.
We all have the ability to “read” people and that ability, to use Malcom Gladwell’s words, happens in a “blink.” Our subconcious instantaneously processes the countless cues presented by the other person.
The majority of these cues about the person’s inner state are non-verbal. They are made up of body language, facial expression, posture, etc., and can be perfectly described as the person’s vibe.
While most of us can read other peoples vibe (a.k.a. implicit self) – we’re totally disassociated from our own vibe. In other words, most of us have zero idea how we are really feeling / being internally.
The Consequences of Disassociation
The consequence of this disassociation between our conscious perception of ourselves and our actual implicit state is huge. It impacts every facet of our life, but most significantly our children and ourselves.
Children are as sensitive to the implicit state (vibe) of their parents as animals are. What do I mean? I mean animals, won’t be fooled by an appearance of external calm when someone is internally anxious, angry or afraid. Unfortunately, children don’t have the ability to fend for themselves and are defenseless against the internal state of their parents. They may even tragically learn to imitate it.
When it comes to ourselves, our disconnection from our internal state has tragic consequences on our mental and physical health. After all, how can you course correct if you think you’re fine while you are really falling apart?
Learning to connect to your gut is probably the most overlooked essential life skill I can think of. Cultivating this ability allows you to heal subconscious wounds, regulate your vibe, and become more you. By listening to ourselves our lives become immeasurably more rich and fulfilling.
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