Resolution and willpower. Resolutions are for fools and for bullies. Well, at least, for the fools and bullies inside us. Let’s start with the fool inside us. The fool inside us thinks that trying the same old “resolve” will actually – unlike every other New Year – stick this time? Come on now, the only one being fooled by that is us.
Then there is the bully. The bully inside us thinks that resolve and sheer force of will are going to make the resolution happen. If it’s never worked in the past, why is it going to work now? And how would we respond if someone else tried to bully us into doing something, even if it is something that is good for us?
We’d tell them to go to hell, or leave us alone, or quietly listen and ignore them. But for so many of us, this remains our internal communication model. Where did we learn this top-down, controlling, and bullying approach of self “motivation?”
From our society as a whole and/or our parents of course, but this post isn’t about that. It’s about trying a different way of achieving transformations in our lives other than so-called resolutions. What if we dropped this foolish, bully-ish, shaming and willpower-based coercive method of resolve with something else?
What would it look like? Well, it’s not rocket science. Think of a child. If you want to get a child to do something – and force/coercion isn’t an option – what would you do?
Ideally, you’d give the child your attention, you’d be curious about what was going on for them, you’d find out why they didn’t want to do whatever it is you were asking, and then, with empathy and love, you’d offer ways to support that child and help them do the thing / achieve the goal / etc, etc.
When a human being feels listened too, when they feel acknowledged, when someone helps them navigate their concerns and then provides them love, support, and comradeship – that is the actual foundation of resolve, of accomplishments, of transformation.
Throw in a little well-intentioned will power, constructive self-awareness, and some friends and family to lovingly hold you accountable to your commitments…and nothing will stop you.
So this year I encourage you to set goals for 2021. Not for force or fancy, but for empathy and love. Be a loving parent to your inner child, not a tyrant.
For more on how to take care of your inner child, click here!
To help you on your way to self-compassion and positive motivation, I would like to give you a gift.
Here there is a link to my most recent Stress School lesson called The Five A’s. The Five A’s are a recipe for self-empathy and transformation. In addition to the video, there is a handy PDF Guide.
Don’t forget to hit me up on Youtube by clicking here.
Check it out and may it help you step into 2021 in a whole new way.
¡Happy New Year!